The fear of failing

Wow, well here I am on a Sunday night. A tough day, really tough day. Today, I and Amanda (wife) told my family that we are getting a divorce. Five years married on Sept 18. What to say, speechless I guess. I have the sick feeling in my gut. Knowing what I have done in this relationship preventing it from going to a healthy, strong relationship.

I have always had a hard time putting Amanda first. She and I have hit many walls. Those walls were built by lack of trust, hurt, anger, fear and deep past issues.

Divorce is a tough subject and Amanda and I, have in no way figured this out. What we did figure out is how this will go. She will go to the U of M and go on campus, I will get custody of the kids (primary) until she is done with school, where we will then discuss the whole situation again. I have a lot of hurt right now. Why did I make these choices? Why did I choose to follow my eyes instead of my heart? Selfishness I suppose is the only answer to those questions.

Right now on my computer plays the song Superman by Five for Fighting, ironic. Amanda never expected me to be superman tho. She just wanted to trust me. I guess it was like pulling teeth with me too. Trust. Trust? TRUST!

Trust is what needed to build a TRUE relationship. If there is no trust, there is no relationship. With out trust, there is no freedom. BUT never put your hope and trust in man. No man/woman will fill that part of your heart.

As I continue this blog, I am going to write about all the issues with being a single dad, being divorced and living in the consequences of my choices.

THESE ARE MYtrueTHOUGHTS